I dunno about other people but sometimes I wonder what its like having a conversation with God. I mean, there were times when I could hear His voice (not audible) but as a thoaght rushing through my mind but it was merely commands, not conversation.
How did I know it was God telling me what to do through my thoaghts? Don't worry, He made sure I knew it was Him. How about a serious grip on my throaght that made me gasp for breath? Untill I did what He wanted me to do, it remained. After doing what He wanted, the "pain" left. Now, some of you might think that it's not God who would do something like that. Maybe you're right. What if it was some other kind of spiritual thing going on and God was trying to help me pull off those grips around my neck by telling me what to do. I know the Bible tells us that God wouldn't force His will on anyone. But what happened that morning in my church, I don't know.
Mostly when I try to have one with Him, its usually me who's doing all the talking. Sure its good for relieving certain things bound up in me and talking helps release it but so little do I hear God talk to me. I don't know what He is thinking about me right now, or anything like that. It might be that I am just too busy for Him. Yeah, so much projects in so little time. No time to hear God speak. Bad, eh? Yeah I know. But what can one do? I admit that I'm not so disciplined in reading my Bible and praying and that might be the greatest problem I'm facing. That might also be the reason why there isn't a hunger inside of me for Him. I keep feeding my spirit with junk food rather than with words from God's mouth.
Before I get too emotional/depressed ;), I want to say that there were times when God did talk to me. He taught me good lessons through scripture but alas I was too busy and blind to incorporate those lessons in my life. Like the story of when Jesus visited Martha but she was too busy to listen to Him. God talked directly to me there but I was still like a Martha running around worrying about the things I still had to do. But the other lesson God taught me was that I shouldn't be afraid of losing something. What can I loose that He cannot give as new? I realised that as I was reading Malachi 3:8-12. When God was talking to His people He made the promise: "'Bring one-tenth of your income into the storehouse so that there may be food in my house. Test me in this way,' says the LORD of Armies. 'See if I won't open the windows of heaven for you and flood you with blessings. '"
Thats when I somehow clicked that I don't have to be afraid. I read a passage before (couldn't remember) about why not to fear but that verse above just somehow summed it up for me. Why fear to loose something if God can replace it. If He can open up Heaven when you give a tenth of your life to Him and He says that we shouldn't worry that He will provide, then surely God can provide for me in a way that I don't have to fear loosing something. Sometimes, I'm afraid of loosing my family, my friends, my possetions, etc. But God just showed me that I don't have to worry at all.
I wish I could just drop everything and sit an entire day trying to listen to Him but I believe that through trusting Him and disciplining myself in the basics of Godlyness, I will reap those rewards.